Ok so I have started to go back to the gym and forgot how great it and weight loss made me feel.
The first day I went for 30 minutes and was ready to pass out when I got home. But as time has gone by it has gotten easier. The last time I was there for an hour and I lived. I have the greatest intentions to go every day but I find it hard since the gym I go to has weird hours on the weekend and I am super lazy on my days off. Another down side is the BF only likes going for 30 minutes and I really want to best weight loss possible so I want to go for an hour. I will have to start walking or jogging.
When it comes to food I am still eating my pie, pasta and pizza but I have been eating much smaller sizes and less often. I went from 5 huge meals to 3 or 4 smaller ones. And I try to always have a veg or two with each meal. So maybe a few things have changed.
As for the work out most of it is Cardio and Abs. I do a little weight training but I build muscle quickly and I am trying to get more lean then built. I have lost about half a pant size so I must be doing something right. I have been watching a show (via youtube) "Over the rainbow" and it makes me want to join dance classes and start doing choir again. So I have a little goal that leads to my two big goals. The first big goal is look good for Halloween. I did a costume contest for work and I looked so fat and horrible and they posted the picture for the whole staff to see. I felt horrible.
The second and main goal for all of this is my cousins wedding in Jan 2012 I want to look great for this one and be proud.
I have also decided that a diet plan and heavy working out is not until Jan 2011 and what I am doing now is like a soft opening before the Grand opening so I don't get hurt.
But on Jan 2 2011 I will be going full throttle and hope to lose those 90 lbs in 9 months max. I unrealistically wish for 3 months so I don't have to stay SUPER motivated all year but I know it will be done by 9 months for sure.
15.12.10
13.10.10
Unrealized dreams
Many of us have dreams that we have not realized. Most of the time they are small things that we can let fall by the way side without a worry or care. I have three that I can not let go.
The first being silly. I had always wanted to be a cheerleader. I know that ship is long passed but that was one thing I wish I would have worked harder on. Well boo.
The next two I can still achieve the first is a career that I can survive on if I am ever alone. A career that I can move back to california with and not worry of money and can get my own place. Where I am now the little I make is enough to get by but not in frankly any where else in the country.
The last is super obvious to be thin, ok not tiny but to not have to worry that I cam not going to fit in my clothes and to never have that day of crying because I can't get may favorite pants buttoned or my chest is to big for a shirt. I need to do this. I would this is a little redundent but it is just something that I have dreams of since high school. I just never find the drive or support that I need I hope this time it is better. I have decided I do not need others. I will do this on my own and will not let others pull me down!
I will succeed!
The first being silly. I had always wanted to be a cheerleader. I know that ship is long passed but that was one thing I wish I would have worked harder on. Well boo.
The next two I can still achieve the first is a career that I can survive on if I am ever alone. A career that I can move back to california with and not worry of money and can get my own place. Where I am now the little I make is enough to get by but not in frankly any where else in the country.
The last is super obvious to be thin, ok not tiny but to not have to worry that I cam not going to fit in my clothes and to never have that day of crying because I can't get may favorite pants buttoned or my chest is to big for a shirt. I need to do this. I would this is a little redundent but it is just something that I have dreams of since high school. I just never find the drive or support that I need I hope this time it is better. I have decided I do not need others. I will do this on my own and will not let others pull me down!
I will succeed!
12.10.10
The wedding! No not mine
My cousin is engaged yay! I am so happy for her but the second thing that went threw my head after yay is oh crap I am going to look like a whale in those wedding pictures. I looked like one at my other cousin's quince. I know I can't handle it again.
First I went into insta weight loss mode. Thinking of how I need to loose weight fast and needed to go on a crazy diet. Now I know that is stupid and I have more than a year to get my long lost flat stomach and size 6 frame.
I have already started to on the right track using tweet what you eat to ensure I am honest with myself. I realize that I need to eat better food and that I don't eat a lot, yet still I am over weight.
That brings me to my second step I need to get on working out. I tried Insanity and found that the cardio I can do the running my calves will not.
This is going to be a trial by fire. I plan on 6 months to lose 60 lbs. My next work out plan is hip hop abs. (I have done P90X a while ago but I do not have the equipment for that right now) I like Shawn T and hop this will be a good beginning to help my calves so I can go back to Insanity!
As for diet I am going the lowered carbs.. Now so much Atkins just cutting out sweets and white flours and starches.
This is it. I am doing it! Why not come along for the ride?
First I went into insta weight loss mode. Thinking of how I need to loose weight fast and needed to go on a crazy diet. Now I know that is stupid and I have more than a year to get my long lost flat stomach and size 6 frame.
I have already started to on the right track using tweet what you eat to ensure I am honest with myself. I realize that I need to eat better food and that I don't eat a lot, yet still I am over weight.
That brings me to my second step I need to get on working out. I tried Insanity and found that the cardio I can do the running my calves will not.
This is going to be a trial by fire. I plan on 6 months to lose 60 lbs. My next work out plan is hip hop abs. (I have done P90X a while ago but I do not have the equipment for that right now) I like Shawn T and hop this will be a good beginning to help my calves so I can go back to Insanity!
As for diet I am going the lowered carbs.. Now so much Atkins just cutting out sweets and white flours and starches.
This is it. I am doing it! Why not come along for the ride?
2.12.08
Lost in the stars
Everyday was the same as the last. Go to school come home chill than bed. Again and again. I wanted change I wanted it so bad. Haha that one was so cliche! All I needed way a silly statment about how it did change or how I had no idea for the change to come.
I have been reading my creative writing book and right now I am on cliches. I didn't even mean to make one just now. Just think if I hadn't caught it. That would have been SO sad!
Here is to becoming a better writer one step at a time!
I have been reading my creative writing book and right now I am on cliches. I didn't even mean to make one just now. Just think if I hadn't caught it. That would have been SO sad!
Here is to becoming a better writer one step at a time!
30.11.08
Dream
Her raven waves were loose in the night air. She was entranced by the calls for her. The crowd was just outside the gates of her prison. Guards sat waiting for her to try to run again. She had to find a way to get to them, her followers needed her. She scaled the stone wall finding little places to put her girls feet.
She jumps into the hands of two of her devotees. They rush her to the waiting carriage that leads her to the church in the middle of the city. She knew that this was the way to be love by the people, her people. One by one the crowd broke off pursuing her.
This was all see had ever wanted, love. The gilded carriage slowed. Two pale children helped her out to the stairs of the Gothic cathedral. Their translucent skin matched the white gowns they dawned. She stopped at the door and turned to the people that loved her so.
She saw the tears on their faces not sure what her had don to more them. The children grabbed a hand each never saying a word or looking away from her. As she turned to walked into the holy build she saw the horse that had brought her. There was something wrong. Panic welled in her chest. Her tried to turn back but the children were to strong. They pulled her into the church smiling.
She turned to the see those red eyed horse move on into the night. She screamed for help but the towns people did nothing. She begged and bargained to anyone and everyone. She looking down at the children and finally saw their demon eyes. The glowing rubies had nothing but hate behind them.
As they pulled her up the last steps she heard singing from the empty building. Was this singing from heaven or hell? She would soon find out.
She jumps into the hands of two of her devotees. They rush her to the waiting carriage that leads her to the church in the middle of the city. She knew that this was the way to be love by the people, her people. One by one the crowd broke off pursuing her.
This was all see had ever wanted, love. The gilded carriage slowed. Two pale children helped her out to the stairs of the Gothic cathedral. Their translucent skin matched the white gowns they dawned. She stopped at the door and turned to the people that loved her so.
She saw the tears on their faces not sure what her had don to more them. The children grabbed a hand each never saying a word or looking away from her. As she turned to walked into the holy build she saw the horse that had brought her. There was something wrong. Panic welled in her chest. Her tried to turn back but the children were to strong. They pulled her into the church smiling.
She turned to the see those red eyed horse move on into the night. She screamed for help but the towns people did nothing. She begged and bargained to anyone and everyone. She looking down at the children and finally saw their demon eyes. The glowing rubies had nothing but hate behind them.
As they pulled her up the last steps she heard singing from the empty building. Was this singing from heaven or hell? She would soon find out.
Vampire
He was pale and dark at the same time but I wanted his cream lips on mine. I didn't care if I lived or died tonight just as long as I got to feel that sweet kiss at least once. The best for last right?
Vampires.... Yes, today they are so POPULAR but more than seven years ago when I started writing about them in middle school they were cliche and Halloween costumes. Now one can't go to a store without seeing a vampire something or flip threw the channels with out hearing news of "Twilight" or "True blood." Vampires are back and they are big.
It is so discouraging that they are back. I write stories about 95% vampires and creatures of the night and now I am cliche for doing so. True, I love to find books with vampires in them but it is so hard to do something that doesn't get labeled as "done." What is a blood sucker lover suppose to do? Wait?
All I want to do now is to write! To let others see the vivid images that run threw my mind and dreams. I will find a way! And by god I will get published in some way! you watch!
Vampires.... Yes, today they are so POPULAR but more than seven years ago when I started writing about them in middle school they were cliche and Halloween costumes. Now one can't go to a store without seeing a vampire something or flip threw the channels with out hearing news of "Twilight" or "True blood." Vampires are back and they are big.
It is so discouraging that they are back. I write stories about 95% vampires and creatures of the night and now I am cliche for doing so. True, I love to find books with vampires in them but it is so hard to do something that doesn't get labeled as "done." What is a blood sucker lover suppose to do? Wait?
All I want to do now is to write! To let others see the vivid images that run threw my mind and dreams. I will find a way! And by god I will get published in some way! you watch!
27.11.08
Thanksgiving
It is suppose to be a time for family right? Well most of my family is 450 miles away and even if I was with them I am the queen of anti-social. I can't even talk to my family. I never know how to start a conversation with people unless it is stupid things or sex. Those conversations always are fun at the time right.
There is always the fact that I can't remember anything personally unless it is drilled into my sad little brain.
I have little to talk about.
I want so badly to be thin, happy, a mother, popular and have friends and I always wonder why when I truly know. I am not thin because I am lazy. Not happy because I never reach my goals, mother well that is nature, popular because I am anti-social, have friends well the former applies.
There is always the fact that I can't remember anything personally unless it is drilled into my sad little brain.
I have little to talk about.
I want so badly to be thin, happy, a mother, popular and have friends and I always wonder why when I truly know. I am not thin because I am lazy. Not happy because I never reach my goals, mother well that is nature, popular because I am anti-social, have friends well the former applies.
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