FAIL!

Ok so I was doing well. I lost about 5 lbs. then I stopped dieting and stopped working out. It is totally obvious that I was going to gain it back.

New things that I found out. First is that I may have PCOS. It pretty much means I am fat and other fun stuff. I have to go about weight loss in a very different ways, but I know that if I do crazy cardio for hours I loss weight fast. It is more about getting off my butt. Which I can do. I really wish someone was with me.

Doing this alone... My boyfriend has decided that he needs to go to the gym but is afraid do to his MS. He refuses to diet as well. So he is in need of a diet and exercise. I feel bad but I have straight out said PLEASE go to the gym and diet. He has agreed in a way. He forgets and I have to remind him often and I feel horrible, he is good at the "Oh yeah shit." I am such a push over. I need to grow a pair.He then eats to much of the heathly food and does not ever get out of his chair.

Today I have decided I am going to do this all for me just me if someone wants to join go for it but I am like all that are on diets alone and have to find my inner strength and have ten months to lose that 90 lbs. So about 10 lbs a month starting today! OKAY this will happen and I will grow? RIGHT? We will see. I have changed a lot of the pass year so this can happen.

I do have to say I stopped eating a lot of processed foods and found that when I started eating them again they all have weird after tastes. It only lasts a few days, pretty much however long you stopped but you sort of taste the wrongness of it all. I highly suggest trying it and I believe it may help you as well. It does take about 5 days then go back to your normal processed crap you will see. Enough bitching and the same I fail. Next time I write I know I will be proud and happy!


WORKOUT of the MOMENT: (I thought I would add something that I am loving that is helping me work out, I have still been doing this at house at the least.) I found a BBC show called OVER THE RAINBOW in which Andrew Llyod Webber was trying to find the Dorothy for his new Wizard of Oz musical and the videos of each singing and dance number are on youtube. I love to dance so I watch the up beat videos and dance to them. Here is the hard part after learning the dance singing with it on key. (if you are not a singing it is ok just try to keep up I promise you will be working for it unless you are in amazing shape). I respect those girls now seeing they did at least three numbers a show. I am just getting to the singing in the first MASH-UP. So if you love to dance and can learn without someone telling you the moves go for it here is the video I am on and you can do it at home. GOOD LUCK!

Weight loss restart

Ok so I have started to go back to the gym and forgot how great it and weight loss made me feel. 
The first day I went for 30 minutes and was ready to pass out when I got home. But as time has gone by it has  gotten easier. The last time I was there for an hour and I lived. I have the greatest intentions to go every day but I find it hard since the gym I go to has weird hours on the weekend and I am super lazy on my days off. Another down side is the BF only likes going for 30 minutes and I really want to best weight loss possible so I want to go for an hour. I will have to start walking or jogging.

When it comes to food I am still eating my pie, pasta and pizza but I have been eating much smaller sizes and less often. I went from 5 huge meals to 3 or 4 smaller ones. And I try to always have a veg or two with each meal. So maybe a few things have changed.

As for the work out most of it is Cardio and Abs. I do a little weight training but I build muscle quickly and I am trying to get more lean then built. I have lost about half a pant size so I must be doing something right. I have been watching a show (via youtube) "Over the rainbow" and it makes me want to join dance classes and start doing choir again. So I have a little goal that leads to my two big goals. The first big goal is look good for Halloween. I did a costume contest for work and I looked so fat and horrible and they posted the picture for the whole staff to see. I felt horrible.

The second and main goal for all of this is my cousins wedding in Jan 2012 I want to look great for this one and be proud.


I have also decided that a diet plan and heavy working out is not until Jan 2011 and what I am doing now is like a soft opening before the Grand opening so I don't get hurt.

But on Jan 2 2011 I will be going full throttle and hope to lose those 90 lbs in 9 months max. I unrealistically wish for 3 months so I don't have to stay SUPER motivated all year but I know it will be done by 9 months for sure.

Unrealized dreams

Many of us have dreams that we have not realized. Most of the time they are small things that we can let fall by the way side without a worry or care. I have three that I can not let go.

The first being silly. I had always wanted to be a cheerleader. I know that ship is long passed but that was one thing I wish I would have worked harder on. Well boo.

The next two I can still achieve the first is a career that I can survive on if I am ever alone. A career that I can move back to california with and not worry of money and can get my own place. Where I am now the little I make is enough to get by but not in frankly any where else in the country.

The last is super obvious to be thin, ok not tiny but to not have to worry that I cam not going to fit in my clothes and to never have that day of crying because I can't get may favorite pants buttoned or my chest is to big for a shirt. I need to do this. I would this is a little redundent but it is just something that I have dreams of since high school. I just never find the drive or support that I need I hope this time it is better. I have decided I do not need others. I will do this on my own and will not let others pull me down!

I will succeed!